I am technically now a published poet! A friend of mine included some "bonus haiku" I wrote in her first collection of poetry. Also, the Homestuck fic I've been slowly labouring over has passed 25,000 words. Which may not sound like a lot, but I've been trying and failing to write fiction for literal decades.
"This is StuckUnderHell, nor am I out of it." - Mephistopheles