okay, this might sound a bit crazy, and maybe even a little rude, but have you ever just thought about... leaving? just saying fuck it, packing your bags, and heading off to new horizons?

because a lot of what you're saying here sounds like something i've experienced myself with a different fandom. i'm not gonna name that fandom, because honestly i'd just rather not think about it right now, but at first i loved what they were doing and wanted more from them, but over time, they shifted to a new direction i didn't like. now, i WANTED to like it, and i WANTED to stay invested in even the older parts of that thing, but i just couldn't get myself to like it.

it didn't really help that the places where the community was active, like reddit and (at the time) twitter, was VERY toxic, sometimes in it's positivity, and sometimes in it's negativity, usually the latter.

the straw that broke the camel's back for me though, was a prevalent community member getting exposed for bad things, again, not going to name who or what they did, because i don't want to think about it right now, but the point is, it made me want to leave, potentially for good. it didn't bring me joy, or intrigue, and the community wasn't helping either. so i just did what i thought was logical. i left. and i feel like i was better for it.

what i'm trying to say is that maybe you should just leave the homestuck fandom, even for a little bit. get your mind off of it and try to think of something else for a while.

of course, if you don't think you need to, then that's ok, too. i just thought that maybe you should take your mind off of homestuck for a while.