hmmm im not sure if any media in particular cracked my egg because i was comfortable in my not-a-girlness pre-puberty. tho i liked a lotttt of boy characters as a kid. spiderman, tails the fox, and the general Guyness of THUG/THUG2. eric sparrow might be an all time villain for me for how pathetic he is, but at the time i didnt think too much of him in particular. i also liked barbie a LOT back then. the BCU might have been my first special interest. i liked how chameleon-esque her concept is, how barbie truly can be anyone she wants to be at any point. she was never stuck in a box.

it took me until i was 18 to realize im nonbinary. from the ages of single digits to then, i spent that time obsessing over guy characters or gay girl characters. come to think of it, terezi might have added a crack to my egg at the age of 14 with how androgynous she presents, as at the time i thought i was Supposed to be girlier (even if i vehemently wasnt).

i watched the matrix as a teenager and liked it a lot. i didn't obsess with it like i do other things, but finding out it was a trans allegory a year or two later blew my mind. like, Wow. i still can't really put those feelings into words, even if those feelings more natural to the self i am now. i guess in a way, i feel Seen. i feel there's hope for a future that isn't a dead end.

i remember when i realized i was nonbinary for the first time, it felt more like i was an android waking up in detroit become human. like ohhhh shitttt i have agency. i dont have to do this whole woman thing if i dont want to. because i really really dont want to. it still took me a year to come out to anybody, but there was a comfort in the discovery.