WHITE FARMER PAWN: Grow some CLEANSING ALOE to remove the BLACK ADJUDICATOR's buffs, and a CACTUS BAT to use as a weapon.

The WHITE FARMER PAWN will make do with what it has. It plants some SUCCULENTS for later use. They'll take some time to grow.

BLACK QUEEN B: Discover a complex gender identity which allows you to be a BLACK KING and BLACK QUEEN simultaneously.

The BLACK QUEEN B says thanks, but no thanks! It knew what it would be sacrificing to get where it is, and it wouldn't have it any other way. Someone else can govern the BLACK SIDE.

BLACK ROOK B: Squawk like an imbecile and dig another hole in the board.

Lucky for it, another hole is already being dug! It'll help these pieces out instead.

It does do some SQUAWKing though, because it's very fun to fly around pretending to be a bird. The other three pieces are annoyed, but they appreciate the help.

WHITE WARLOCK: Divert funds to support the candidate who will cause the most chaos.

It can't start its empire without a little chaos! It can't decide which candidate would be best, though. The POWER-HUNGRY BLACK PAWN is a loose cannon, and the YANDERE BLACK PAWN is an even looser one. The WHITE KNIGHT CANDIDATE would give a lot more power to the WHITE SIDE, but it isn't sure that would help its burgeoning DRUG EMPIRE.

It could always try finding a patsy it can control, and entering them into the race. Who'd fit that description, it wonders?