A Very Important Subject Matter

You are a very serious PISS PHILOSOPHER. One of Derse's best, as a matter of fact. One of the best piss philosophers in the entire Incipisphere if we're being honest. Okay fine you're the only one.

You are the one and only PISS PHILOSOPHER and you are currently standing in your unbelievably shitty looking office doing fuck all.

What will you do?

(MSPFA mirror for convenience's sake: https://mspfa.com/?s=65170&p=1, preferably comment suggestions in this thread though)