Headcanons about post-scratch dave

i think he had long distance black rom with the condesce and they never actually met or spoke but they spoke through their actions (the negging and political assassinations). I also headcanon him as fine as hell

i like your any/all idea because dave is like that

what does that even mean

went to UT austin and was roommates with wes anderson and owen wilson. was really trying to get them to do some fun sbahj stuff but wes was too much of a fuddy duddy. owen on the other hand....

i think that he was in love with ben stiller. i believe he may have kissed his weird, sort of gaunt face.

where's the tumblr post about wes anderson keeping a room full of realistic little dolls of all his favourite actors and owen wilson accidentally stumbles upon it one day but never mentions it to another soul

the ben stiller and wes anderson meta are painting a picture rkrhekyejtkygefjyjdhfnjt

i always imagine alpha dave as a loner with no friends just a giant mansion and a bunch of random people hanging around who barely know him like the notch mansion + candy room situation. but maybe the only reason that he became such a loner is because the condence killed his lover ben stiller in such a horrific way? and he didn’t wanna go thru that again

i think he had to spend a lot of time surfing between country homes and estates cus he was regularly on the run from Wal-ner Disnamazon (Presented By Crockervision) lawyers trying to lock him into a directing contract for Luke Skywalker vs. Godzilla 5

see, i get where spicyyeti is coming from in regards to dave never being allowed to have friends (and i agree) but i do think he's definitely surrounded by people constantly. he's too rich and famous and his job is "guy that works with people."

i think this makes the fact that his only friend is his sister way funnier. also an old lady that died i guess.

Not many people remember there’s a Skaianet poster in Dirk’s apartment that implies B2!Dave was at least acquainted with Jade English. I do like the idea that the old lady may well have been the one to induct him into the resistance against the Batterwitch.

unless they had him in the dan schneider court ordained anger management room with only a PA to relay his visions

they got dave strider handcuffed to the studio lot golf cart taking him set to set a la keith stanfield circa 2017 and in between camera sets ups he stares at his cast giving them fucking absurd direction that makes no sense but is somehow executed perfectly every time. then they take him to the next one. he's when he has to go to a different lot they helicopter him from warner bros to paramount. he's handcuffed there too.

wait ok the loner dave meta is growing on me... i always forget about the alt-history stuff, stiller's martyrdom. dave is warhol-esque. before all that he's got a (fra)factory of his own going on, at least for a little bit. gambino is his basquiat (i forgot he got assassinated too damn???) we know striders are balding, he is absolutely doing the warhol thing where he's going to the barbershop every month with a new wig and getting it cut.

i think reclusive but will occasionally do interviews. last major one was hot ones, where went over two days, because he was taking his damn time eating those wings. i was writing this fic at one point

WICKEDGOOGLY I MISSED YOU