HEADSCRATCH QUEST

>Parkour up to the locked chest

> Parkour up to the locked chest.

Due to its FRIGHTENINGLY LOW AND PATHETIC AGILITY and TALLNESS stats, it is unnable to parkour up to the chest.

See? The stats are right there. There's no denying it, this thing is helpless.

>Look at the WALLED POSTER

> Look at the WALLED POSTER

Who are you to tell anyone to smile, you bitcrushed, glassy-eyed fuck? Can't you see the gravity of the situation?!

>In a fit of rage, tear the WALLED POSTER from its WALL, making it an UNWALLED POSTER.

>In a fit of rage, tear the WALLED POSTER from its WALL, making it an UNWALLED POSTER.

RAARGHHHH!!!! WATCH THIS FEROCIOUS BEAST DELICATELY RIP OFF THE TAPE!! OH NO!! THE INTEGRITY OF THE POSTER HAS BEEN RUINED!!

Oh hey, neat, there's a free keypad on the other side.

>There's only one choice here. No other better options, definitely. Begin trying every single possible combination, one at a time.

>Low stats? What is this, the 2010s?

>start doinf squats and don't stop until you can kick through the walls OR parkour up to the chest. Whichever comes first.

>There's only one choice here. No other better options, definitely. Begin trying every single possible combination, one at a time.

It seems as though they weren't expecting you to brute-force through this puzzle. Intelligence be damned, this Thing can press buttons.

In any other situation, it would gain EXPERIENCE POINTS, but this whole situation is so summarily stupid I don't think it accounts the puzzle as an EXPERIENCE.

A door opened. It is PITCH BLACK ahead, and The Creature is unarmed. What will you do?

>ARM YOURSELF with something from the fridge

> ARM YOURSELF with something from the fridge

You find ONE GALLON OF MILK and an ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF PEBBLES.

> Store each and every pebble in your mouth and brandish the milk bottle as a blunt weapon.

>Fill your pockets with PEBBLES to defend yourself from UNKNOWN FIENDS

> Store each and every pebble in your mouth and brandish the milk as a blunt weapon.

AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I HAVE BECOME ONE WITH THE EARTH, A DISCIPLE OF NATURE, AND I PLAN TO REENACT JUDGEMENT UPON THE UNHOLY-

Oh my god these pebbles taste fucking awful. What a horrible idea.

>Fill your pockets with PEBBLES to defend yourself from UNKNOWN FIENDS

Wow, look at all the mess it made. Luckily for us, the Creature's brain cannot hold on to information for very long, so it's back to its usual placid state.

It fills its RUCKSACK with as many PEBBLES as it can hold, and equips the GALLON OF MILK as a BLUNT WEAPON.

BITCHIN'.

> Is that a note in the fridge? Perhaps that could shine a light upon an exit which doesn't take you through the suspiciously easy-to-open and dark door...

> Is that a note in the fridge? Perhaps that could shine a light upon an exit which doesn't take you through the suspiciously easy-to-open and dark door...

Haha, yeah. Okay. It checks the note on the fridge, making sure to avoid stepping on the wet mouth-pebbles from before.

"Hello, [UNNAMED].

Things are not what they seem.

The anawer to all of your questions lies beyond your feet.

Trust no one, and assume the worst."

It strikes us collectively that we missed our window to name the Creature and must now suffer the consequences of our negligence.

>inspect the definitely-not-trapdoor-hiding rug

>inspect the definitely-not-trapdoor-hiding rug

Well it seems it's a manhole, actually.

You hit a SICK-NASTY X6 FRAME KICK and defeat the rug swiftly, rivaling the all time greats of animation, like Hannah Barbera, or the japanese dudes who came up with Fooly Cooly.

Drop 1 pebble. Analyze TWEETY BIRD. Try to pick up TWEETY BIRD. Hug TWEETY BIRD.