This is just a list of Homestuck things that don't make sense to me, largely kept for my own use. Some of these don't have answers because they're ongoing mysteries, but I assume most do. If you do happen to know the answers to any of these, feel free to comment them.
What’s with the weird sun and red sky near Dave's place? (pg. 444)
How the FUCK did Jade get her hands on one of Doc Scratch's Cue Balls? Doc Scratch doesn’t even exist in B1! (pg. 805)
Why/How does the universe end if Snowman dies?
How long is Karkat’s lifespan? He's not on the hemospectrum at all, so...
How the hell does John know what trolls look like? (pg. 1714)
WTF is The Ultimate Riddle? (pgs. 1903)
Who the fuck are the blind prophets? (pg. 2031)
Why are there two sets of ruins on Alternia? The whole red and blue team thing was never real!
What’s the deal with the doomsday device? (pg. 2131)
Why did Snowman tell Terezi to exile Jack Noir? (pg. 2532)
Why did Dream John blink out of existence instead of just falling asleep when Vriska woke him? (pg. 2647)
How did Rose know how to contact Doc Scratch?
Who is the "master" that Aradia and Dave serve? (pg. 3489)
How did A2 Slick get the eyepatch and robot arm seen during the Doc Scratch segment? (pg. 3617)
What is Jack's Real Name? What is Scratch's Real Name? (pg. 3620)
Why do the ruins seen on pg. 2283 look so similar to the ones Darkleer was hiding in on pg. 3755?
DS says he told Rose to not look into the orb (pg. 3786), but both pg. 3632 and pg. 3638 contradict this. Was that not him?
How did Jade know about the yellow yard? (pg. 3871)
How does John know that? (pg. 3952)
What's with fedorafreak? (pgs. 3954–3956) Is he from Universe B1? If so, why are there 4 heroes and not 5?
What did Kanaya's Denizen ask her to do? (pg. 3979)
Why does that frog look like a rainbow drinker? (pg. 3980)
Doc Scratch left the blue arrows out for Hussie, so he knew he was coming. Why didn't he do anything?
Why is Doc Scratch a lifeless puppet when Hussie's around? (pg. 4077)
How the fuck did Gamzee get the Warhammer of Zillyhoo? He doesn't even use hammers, he uses clubs!!! (pgs. 3679+4085)
Why does Hussie need the characters to go through the yellow yard?
Why does Snowman have blue blood, while the other Dersites have red? (pg. 4110)
Shouldn't Jade still be able to teleport things with her space powers, even if she can't with her Bec powers? (pg. 4304)
What's going on on pgs. 4306 & 4307?
Origins of God Cat? How was he created?
Why does footage of B2 Rose black out? (pg. 4513)
How can Dirk be both his earth self and his dream self at the same time?
Where the hell is Calliope getting all of this info about sessions from? She only has the book from the B1 Session!
Why does Dirk get deja vu about uu? (pg. 4650)
Why does CD blow up the Black and White Kings? (pgs. 4703 & 4704)
(Possible Continuity Error?) How did Hussie pull out the wand after tossing the magnum? (pg. 4804/4807)
Why did A2 Gl'bgolyb keep killing all the trolls? (pg. 4849)
In conjunction with the previous, isn't Gl'bgolyb dead???????? Feferi says as such on pgs. 2850 & 2991. Are there two Gl'bgolybs????
Why is Jade blonde? (pg. 4855)
What powers did limebloods have? (pg. 4962)
Who "Commissioned" Bec Noir to destroy all B universes? LE? Is he afraid? (pg. 5072)
How does Calliope have Doc Scratch's gun/holster/wand? (pg. 5112)
How does Dirk know that Jake beat up Meenah? (pg. 5215) That wasn't actually him, no?
How did Mituna burn himself out?
Why did A1 Damara go all crazy?
How did John take The Ring Of Life with him from the dream bubble?
What's the deal with Caliborn's terminal? Why is it there?
Who moved Earth, and how did they move it? (pg. 5496)
When/Why did Caliborn get put in Derse jail? (pg. 5554)
Why is 154 a big deal for Derse? (pg. 5560)
What is going on on pgs. 5808/5809 with Lil Cal?
How/When did Caliborn get all buff?
Why did 3 of Caliborn's planets fall into the black hole? And why 6, 7, and 11 specifically? (pg. 6001)
Where did the Ring of Life come from? (pg. 6034)
Why did Kurloz take Vriska's pirate coat? (pg. 6066)
Why does Meenah think she's going to steal the Ring of Life from John? (pgs. 6067–6072) Like, The Condesce wears a lot of jewelry, but distinctly does not wear a ring, so, what gives? Is it just because she's a Thief of Life?
How can Vriska know what the narrator is doing? (pgs. 6076/6080)
How does Vriska even know that Hussie ('Orange Guy') is The Narrator?
How can Vriska control Hussie? Her powers don't work on humans, right? And Hussie is human, as he describes humans with "we" (pg. 6080)
Where/When is Hussie writing all of this from? Is it like authorspace or something? Maybe time flows narratively there??? ????????
Why did LE leave his gun/staff behind? (pg. 6116)
How did Caliborn turn his black gun/staff gold?
Why is The Cueball necessary to create a weapon capable of harming Lord English? (pg. 6322)
How do Meenah and Aranea know what the 'legit chain of events' consists of? (pg. 6553)
Why must Dave be the one to deal the final blow to Lord English? (pg. 6383) [Also as seen in The Epilogues, he's not the one to kill him! That's AltCalliope!]
How can Aranea know where Roxy was? (pg. 6662)
Why is the stage there? If it's not from Jade's or Calliope's memories, so it shouldn't be there, no? (pg. 6677/6717)
How the hell is Aranea using telekinesis on pgs. 6845 & 6901?????
Why is Lil Seb gesturing no on pg. 6898? John is correct, right?
Why do dead cherubs have black eyes while dead humans & trolls have white?
Why did John & Roxy make that choice? Seems kinda selfish no? Isn't this supposed to be a heroic thing they're doing? (pg. 7104)
How can the events of A6A5A5 take place before Caliborn gets buff when those events involve Dirk stealing his soul? How can Caliborn possibly survive that?
Can just anyone time travel? We see Vriska on pg. 7449 with Aradia's timetables, implying she used them, despite not being a time hero. We also see Gamzee do the same. What even is the point of being a time hero lol?
How the hell does Vriska know so much?!?!?!?!
How does Lord Jack exist in the post-retcon timeline without Gamzee to send Cal to Derse jail?
Why can't The Condesce mind control Vriska? (pg. 7520) Why is she resistant? She's from a lower blood caste.
Why doesn't AltCalliope have wings like the cherub on pg. 5962? (pg. 7601) She matured properly, no? (pg. 5973)
What is AltCalliope's promise to Echidna? (pg. 7616)
(Possible Continuity Error?) Dirk turning his back and Equius getting prototyped only happened pre-retcon. Vriska told him it would happen. (pgs. 7674 & 7449)
"KANAYA: There Were Twelve Of Us Back Then
ROXY: yeah WOW!!!
ROXY: i remember hearing about that from a friend
ROXY: who...
ROXY: never even existed from this frame of reference :(" ???????
Who tf is she talking about??? (pg. 7779)
Why are there two Nannasprites? (pg. 7806)
Why does Jasprosesprite^2 think that Nepeta has been "toyed with and disrespected by none other than the supreme puppeteer of unrepentant horseshit himself." and who is she talking about? (pg. 7816)
What the hell is up with Aranea in the post-retcon timeline. Where is she? Did she just cease to exist? Doubtful.
Why does Davepetasprite^2 suddenly want to fight Lord English? Why would he be "vulnerable" to them?
How did all the guardians know what was going to happen? (pg. 7919, as well as many other places)
What exactly is going on in [S] Terezi: Remem8er.?
How was PM able to resist/attack Jade? Why couldn't Jack do the same? (pg. 8087)
How did Dave break Dirk's unbreakable katana? It's explicitly unbreakable. (pg. 8087)
Why/How the fuck does Nannasprite have the ability to revive people???? (pg. 8089)
What happens to the versions of the alpha kids that fight Lord English?
How does John going back to defeat Lord English "authenticate" the Meat timeline? Shouldn't John's retconning just make The Meat Timeline cease to exist? His meddling means that Earth C was never created (because everyone dies), which is fine, because his version of time travel doesn't need to make stable loops, but I don't see how him doing that would authenticate anything in the Meat timeline?
Where are the commands coming from in the Epilogues?
When/How did The Mayor die? (Meat, pg. 2)
Can trolls not handle any sunlight at all, or is the Alternian sun particularly strong? Like, does Karkat avoid the Earth C sun because he'll literally burn up, or just because he’s Karkat and doesn't like outside?
Why does Dirk want Jane to win the election? He’s not xenophobic. How does it serve his interests? What are his interests anyways? He talks about Jane ruling for millions of years on Meat pg. 39. Why?
How did Dirk gain the ability to become a narrator? Hussie had a terminal of sorts [I think?], but Dirk can narrate while taking actions. And the ability to narrate clearly isn't inherent to those who have ascended to their Ultimate Selves. (See: Davebot/Rosebot)
Same as above but for AltCalliope.
How do Meenah and Calliope both simultaneously have the Ring of Life in the Meat timeline? Isn't it a juju, and thus unable to be duplicated through time shenanigans?
When/How did Dirk become Ultimate Dirk? At what point did he start influencing The Narrative? Why?
Same as above but for AltCalliope.
Why does Calliope tell John to free Gamzee in the Candy timeline?
Who is narrating in black in the Candy timeline?
Why the fuck does Jade say that Dave kissed Karkat? How? (Candy, pg. 9)
What did Terezi say to Candy John? (end of Candy, pg. 10)
Why/How the fuck is Gamzee in Dirk's studio? (Candy, pg. 13)
"When you think so little of yourself as a moral character, any act of self-termination will result in a death that is Just." ???????? He's not the one making the judgement???????? Why should it matter what he thinks about himself???????? (Candy, pg. 14)
Why does Dave say that the teen Jade corpse is from "seven or eight years ago" when it's actually more like 11? (Candy, pg. 20)
Why do only some people act super weird in the Candy timeline? Karkat and John still remain themselves, while Roxy becomes completely lobotomized, and others only seem mildly changed? And why is it only for a brief moment? Does it have to do with John’s emotional state at any given time? Vriska seems to imply as much on Candy pg. 38. Or perhaps Roxy is right and they didn’t actually change that much at all? I honestly have no idea what's going on with all of that.
How did AltCalliope possess Teen Jade's body?
Why is the Candy timeline free from Dirk's influence? He clearly has the ability to be present in other timelines (see: Pesterquest)
Why does the server that Meenah absconds into take her to Candy Earth C?
Why does Vrissy say she's "8asically Immortal?" Is she a god-tier? Or just extremely overconfident? (Candy, pg. 34)
(Nitpick) When did John ever get any experience with washing troll blood out of clothes? (Candy, pg. 36)
Why do John's retcon powers stop working in the Candy timeline? He's unburdened by Canon, no?
What did Vriska say to Terezi on Candy pg. 37?
Did Dirk set up the White House transportalizer and Obama hologram? When? Why? How did he know Dave would find it? If it is actually Obama, why does he act so strange? His words and actions are completely in line with the goals of Dirk. If it is actually Dirk puppeting it, how is he doing so? How is he channeling the actual power of Hope while he is a hero of Heart?
Why does Dave see a great dark cloud as he's ascending? And why does he see Dirk for a moment? (Candy, pg. 39)
Can Davebot or Rosebot die normal deaths? Or does the Heroic/Just immortality of their God forms continue even after their biological death?
Why does Davebot ask AltCalliope "DAVEBOT: so we doin this" When did they plan together? (Meat postscript)
What does it really mean to ascend, to become your Ultimate self?
Why does Dirk say that Rose belongs to him after she ascends? (Meat, pg. 25)
Why can AltCalliope overpower Dirk narratively?
How does Dirk "close his mind to all observation" (Meat, pg. 29)?Does closing it to observation also mean closing it to influence?
"You may be able to suppress what I do with my mind, but you have no control over my mouth." (Meat, pg. 32) Why? Can narrators not control dialogue in general, or is Dirk a special case?
(Possible Continuity Error) How is there shaving cream in the wallet when CD used it all to explode Jade back in A5A2? Also why is the wallet even there? Didn't John lose it? He says as much during his retconning back in A6, right?
Why does Terezi only notice Dirk's narration after she goes to Earth C? He was narrating when she was near the Black Hole w/ John as well.
Is Terezi's awareness of the narration due to her status as a Hero of Mind, or because she was in Canon for so long? Or perhaps a secret third thing?
Why does Calliope start scribbling things about the Candy timeline on the walls? (Meat, pg. 36)
How could Meat John possibly be resuscitated? He didn’t just die, he was erased.
Why doesn't Vriska have a gash on her head + a piece of space lodged in her chest? And where'd she get that eyepatch? (BC, pg. 66)
Why is Jane so pissed about Gamzee on BC pg. 90 when she messily broke up with him literally a few hours ago?
What on earth is the ending of A Treatise on Representational Democracy, pg. 13 saying?
"DIRK: You came to this planet. You saw it in your mind's eye and chose to come here.
More or less." (BC, pg. 130) ???????? What the fuck is Dirk talking about?
Why does Rose's body need to be kept alive to transfer her consciousness to Rosebot, while Dave's body does not need to be alive to transfer his consciousness to Davebot?
Is that the fucking Ring of Life on Hysterical Broad's hand?????? (Catnapped, pg. 24)
Who is narrating in black on BC pg. 144? It's clearly not Dirk, and it's also clearly not AltCalliope. Is it Hussie somehow? Is it MSPAR? Is it The Director? Does there have to be an in-story narrator in order for narration to exist?
Why is Dirk afraid of Yiffy? (A Threat Sensed)
Why does Vrissy suddenly fall asleep on BC pg. 261?
Why are Davebot's shades red on BC pg. 278 when it's explicitly stated that he took his shades off of his own corpse in the epilogues?
When/How did Aradia ascend?
Why isn't Vriska mentioned much in the history books? Are they somehow from the pre-retcon timeline or something? (pg. 328)
Why/How can Dirk and Aradia be ascended without their bodies giving out?
Why isn't Rosebot aware of the narration?
Why did John deciding not to go fight LE put Candy Earth C inside the Black Hole?
How did AltCalliope, Davebot, and Aradia get their ship? It didn't come with them through the wormhole.
Why is the "THANKS FOR PLAYING" in the sky fading? (BC pg. 496)
What the hell happened between BC pgs. 523 and 526?
What sticker is Harry Anderson referring to on BC pg. 546?
Why do Vrissy's mind control powers work on humans?
What's going on on BC pg. 553?
Where are the new dream bubbles coming from? (BC pg. 589)
Do Dirk's Bullshit Powers have limits? Or is he just straight up omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.
Why is the first bit of narration on BC pg. 611 in black instead of orange? Same for 612.
Who are the "friends in high places" that AltCalliope refers to on BC pg. 658?
Are the commands in HSBC coming from Dirk? BC pg. 714 would seem to indicate so, but Dirk doesn't have access to the candy timeline.
WTF is this PM-looking robot at ~1:38 on BC pg. 716
What the FUCK is going on on BC pg. 719??? Who's that girl?
How does Candy John know that Dirk is the enemy? (BC pg. 742)
Is (normal, not alt) Calliope a narrator? (BC pg. 758)
What exactly is happening on BC pg. 767? Is Vriska destroying the letters (if so, why?) or just taking them? (also if so, why?)
How the hell are Jane and Jake on the ship w/ The Meat Gang? Did Vriska just yoink them from Midnight city and put them there? If so, why doesn't Karkat react more strongly to their presence? He acts like it's no big deal. Were they "already there," so to speak? How? Why did Vriska put them there?
What does it mean to be cursed? (BC pg. 802)
How did Hussie learn everything and gain all knowledge of what will happen? Clearly this isn’t something inherent to narrators.
8ut you already knew that, right?
