> BD: Take harpoon from stump

You put the BLOOD-RUSTED HARPOON in your inventory.

> BD: Use Twinkies as a Umbrella

It's not very effective. Firstly, its a pack of twinkies. They hardly cover your ears, much less your horizontally generous figure. Secondly, your pointy hat makes them difficult to balance.

There has to be more to this adventure than placing miscellaneous objects on our heroes' heads.

> BD: Think about how much you looooove the demiurge and think chthonics suck FARTS!!!

Oh boy, you thought you'd never ask. The Demiurge is like, the coolest thing ever. Everyone loves the Demiurge, this is a known fact. And she's famously benevolent of course.

Those Chthonic cultists on the other hand can go suck a lemon.