HS: Be Andrew Hussie

You are now Andrew "Trampstamp" Hussie.

AH: Torture the tiny, miniature clone of Homestuck even though it didn't do anything

AH: First off, that's the real deal. I hate my bastard, why would I clone them?

AH: Second off, what do you think I'm doing right now? Do you think the flames just appeared there on their own?

AH: Be Homestuck

You are now Homestuck.

HS: Try to find the weird white dog (to sate your hunger)

What? No!! That little dog is your only friend here! Well, WAS your only friend, anyway.

He's precious to you!

HS: Get ye flask! Drown ye woes!

Now that you can do. You are a dysfunctional alcoholic after all.