HS: To vent your frustrations, begin a forum adventure starring the anthropomorphic representation of your adventure up to this point, that being the period yesterday where you were ENGULFED IN FLAMES and the period today where you were ENGULFED IN ANIMATED WEBSERIES "HELLUVA BOSS". HOMESTUCKSTUCK STUCK (starring your original character HOMESTUCKSTUCK) will be a landmark work in the history of literature.

HS:consume dog whole

Bleh! No! Not after you just got him back.

HS: Use Alchemy To Turn Dog Into John Egbert.

Good idea. You put the DOG down to take off the weird shading that it put on your vision. Looking around, you don't see an ALCHEMITER anywhere, nor any of the other necessary equipment. All you find is the following:
1 GIANT LEMON THAT YOU OCCASIONALLY SUCK ON

1 PILE OF HELLUVA BOSS THAT IS SEEMINGLY TERRIFIED OF THE DOG

1 COMPUTER SETUP

1 BLACK PARADE SHIRT WHICH DOUBLES AS YOUR BED

1 ANGRY FATHER WHO HITS YOU VERY HARD